Hello! I have missed you and writing. And field trips, cooking, gardening and other homeschooling adventures lately. You see, I haven’t wanted to write out all the things in my head and heart until I felt I had a better grasp on them. 

 

Two days before the adorable Mr. F was due (no, he didn’t come until 9 days later) we FINALLY got a diagnosis on Mr. T. My sweet wonderful child who is ahead on so many different levels has problems speaking. He was very much ahead on his speech until about 18 months, when he got his MMR, but that is for a different discussion altogether. At that point, his forward progressions stopped. He kept using his sign language and the words he had, but while he added new signs there were no new words. Our pediatrician wanted us to wait on seeking professional help/diagnosis at his 2 year checkup, so we did. But by 2.5, we decided that that was enough and we needed to have him evaluated. And after the initial evaluation the diagnosis is CAS. Childhood Apraxia of Speech. CAS is a motor planning disorder. Mr. T knows in his mind what he wants to say, but he literally cannot get his mouth to say it. He also has phonological patterning problems and fronting issues.

 

That moment was a monster. On the one hand, I was so glad to know the name of the beast that was keeping my little guy from communicating his wonderful ideas with the world and on the other I was brokenhearted. My perfect little blessing has a huge hurdle and I can’t move it out of his way. I have an amazing, smart, talented and mischievous little boy. That didn’t change. But a lot of other things did.

 

And it’s hard. But I have met some amazing moms and dads who have blessings of their own with CAS and other speech issues. I am also so very thankful that God, in all His wisdom, put ASL into our lives as an early communication tool. As difficult as is can be some days, Mr. T can almost always get the gist of what he wants to tell us by using his signs. 

 

So now, almost 9 weeks into having Mr. F around, we are all adjusting. Speech therapy twice a week, Mr. T also just had his tongue clipped this week, our “normal” homeschool routiIne now includes lots of speech exercises that Mr. T does not always want to do (add frustration for mom), and Mr. F is still not sleeping through the night as well as I (and Mr. Glam) would like, but by the grace of God, we are making through each beautiful day. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One moment at a time.

 

I am eternally grateful for the moms who have reached out with support and encouragement. For the friends who send little notes to see how we are. For the prayer warriors. For the family. For all the love that we have always felt, but even more so the last two months. And most of all, for our gracious Heavenly Father who has given me the tools I need to get through this, even if I don’t know what they are. I am reminded each time I get a sticky kiss or a “cmn mommy” (come on, mommy), or a shoulder full of spit-up followed by a big gummy grin of how precious these little beings are and how blessed we are to be given them for a time. 

 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17