Disclosure: I was given a copy of Parenting the QBQ Way for review. No other compensation was received. The opinions expressed are my own and I was not required to post a positive review.
I love getting the chance to review books I am pretty sure I am going to identify with and appreciate. What’s even better is when the book bypasses my expectations, convicts me, inspires me and challenges me to be a better parent. Parenting the QBQ Way is just such a book. I love how Mr. Miller uses scripture, quotes and real life examples of how the parent’s actions, right or wrong, or inactions are directly responsible for how their children are turning out. And I will admit there was a good bit of convicting in this reading. I’m thankful for books on parenting like this one. My kids didn’t come with manuals 🙂 so I’ll take all the help (in addition to the Bible, of course) that I can get.
I found this particular quote at the beginning of the book to be simple but profound. My parenting. MY parenting. There’s some weight to that statement. So if my child is lazy, I’m responsible. If my child is disrespectful, I’m responsible. If my child grows up and is a bully as a teen, I’m responsible. I set the example. I discipline (or don’t). I set boundaries and enforce them (or don’t). But the message is also clear, I’m the only person I can change. And in walks personal accountability. Something I think we all lack at times. There is a lot of coverage of IQs (incorrect questions) and QBQs (questions behind the questions that usually contain part of the answer) and how QBQs lead to personal accountability.
The above are examples of IQs. Because we the parents need to accept our roles as the trainers of our children, asking victim type questions like these solves nothing and further advances procrastination and inaction, both of which are harmful to our children. QBQ’s begin with “What” or “How” and always include an “I”.
And example I have already used is “How can I make clearer expectations so my 3 year old isn’t battling me so often?”. I learned in the last week that discipline actions like “if you don’t come now, you have to take a nap when we get home for not listening” do not work. And really, they probably shouldn’t since “when we get home” is an eternity from “now” to a 3 year old but a week ago I was just frustrated with how ineffective our discipline tactics were. My 3 year old needs immediate consequences as motivators. He didn’t want to lose his lemonade to the trash can so he begrudgingly left Chick-fil-A but he was cooperative about it. Yay for progress!
I loved all of the chapter you see above. But I struggle with this sometimes. There’s laundry, dishes, appointments (we have speech or occupational therapy 4 days a week), email, etc. But all my children will learn is that something else takes precedence over them, and when they are older other things will take precedence over me and what I “tell” them. By stopping what I’m doing and having tea (something my 3 year old requests at least 2 times a week), I am telling him that I value him and what he needs. As he gets older he will model that example when it becomes topics like courting and choosing friends that I want to discuss with him. He is also learning that it is better to put others first, a principle I want my children to have ingrained in them.
And one of my favorite things in Parenting the QBQ Way that got me FIRED UP! was disengaging from stereotype thinking. Oh, I’ve succumbed to this already a few times. And I’m holding myself accountable to my children that I will stop. right. now. The two’s were sweet. Yes there were days that were so long, but we are indeed in the “sweet spot” of parenting as John refers to it. The threes are proving to be challenging but by changing a few things and seeking wisdom from those who have gone down this path before with God as their pilot we have made drastic improvements over the last 3 months, and by implementing practices from QBQ, we’ve seen even more progress in the last week! So no, I’m not setting myself or my children up for failure by expecting to have a rough time through the 3’s or the teens, or the college years. My boys will be boys. Well mannered, sweet, thoughtful and respectful Christian boys. You see, by expecting them to fail, we are lowering our standards and telling them they will fail. It is a type of self-fulfilling prophesy and what a terrible thing for parents to do to their children.
I recommend this book for couples thinking about having kids, parents of the 0 to 30 crowd and grandparents. It is concise and straightforward, but I know we will be revisiting it’s dog-eared and underlined pages again and again. And the best bonus is, John has graciously given me a signed copy of this book to give away to one of you! Just enter in the Rafflecopter form below! Good luck and thanks for stopping by!
*This post contains affiliate links. I was given a copy of Parenting the QBQ Way to review and one to give away. No other compensations was received.*
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